I knew the island of lost souls
These city streets
I did compete
For soft young thighs
Dresses did rise
In sleek black cars
Or moody bars
We walked our walk
And talked our talk
Of romantic things
And one night flings
Sex on the run
Devoid of fun
Just silent rage
Those wantom days
On city streets
I did compete
For sexy souls
Who often froze
On island beds
We lied and spread
Our tales of love
Shared spit and blood
The lost souls
Beyond control
On urban streets
We did compete
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
WHERE IS MY BUDDHA?
What is enlightenment?
I tried pleasure.
It made me fat, lazy, and greedy.
I learned suffering from pleasure.
Then I embraced my Buddha.
I began meditating again.
I gave up excess.
I discovered that life is suffering.
Life is change.
Death and sickness is unavoidable.
I want to take my mind to the beauty of the natural world.
Must I die to find wisdom?
Mara, the Lord of Desire, always seems to get in my way.
Desire never leaves me alone.
I must be impassive, but aware.
My reality must be in knowledge of what IS.
I must live in the NOW.
Then, I might attain wisdom.
This is the enlightenment.
Then my mind will find peace.
I will find my Buddha.
I hope for universal awakening.
I will discover Nirvana.
My Nirvana has always existed within me.
My unreality was not accepting the moment.
The NOW is all that is real.
This is true enlightenment.
Enlightenment for me, is fleeting at best.
I must share my joy.
I must be ordinary, not special.
This is my Dharma. (duty)
Buddha is in myself.
Seek the middle path.
It is the balance of life.
This is enlightenment.
I tried pleasure.
It made me fat, lazy, and greedy.
I learned suffering from pleasure.
Then I embraced my Buddha.
I began meditating again.
I gave up excess.
I discovered that life is suffering.
Life is change.
Death and sickness is unavoidable.
I want to take my mind to the beauty of the natural world.
Must I die to find wisdom?
Mara, the Lord of Desire, always seems to get in my way.
Desire never leaves me alone.
I must be impassive, but aware.
My reality must be in knowledge of what IS.
I must live in the NOW.
Then, I might attain wisdom.
This is the enlightenment.
Then my mind will find peace.
I will find my Buddha.
I hope for universal awakening.
I will discover Nirvana.
My Nirvana has always existed within me.
My unreality was not accepting the moment.
The NOW is all that is real.
This is true enlightenment.
Enlightenment for me, is fleeting at best.
I must share my joy.
I must be ordinary, not special.
This is my Dharma. (duty)
Buddha is in myself.
Seek the middle path.
It is the balance of life.
This is enlightenment.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
COMPASSION
How does one arrive at compassion?
What's right?
What's wrong?
How many times must I say, "I am sorry".
Will I always be forgiven?
Time after time, I fail.
Mistake after mistake adds to the sum total of my life.
It humbles me.
It is not a humility that I have chosen.
Rather, I succumbed to humiliation.
I have endured enough pain.
Yet, it lingers on.
Yes, humility was forced upon me.
I did not choose it.
I paid the price for most of my mistakes.
Now, I find it easier to forgive others.
My heart has softened.
Maybe I won't have to say "I'm sorry",
as much in the future as I said it in the past.
Maybe then, I'll find compassion.
What's right?
What's wrong?
How many times must I say, "I am sorry".
Will I always be forgiven?
Time after time, I fail.
Mistake after mistake adds to the sum total of my life.
It humbles me.
It is not a humility that I have chosen.
Rather, I succumbed to humiliation.
I have endured enough pain.
Yet, it lingers on.
Yes, humility was forced upon me.
I did not choose it.
I paid the price for most of my mistakes.
Now, I find it easier to forgive others.
My heart has softened.
Maybe I won't have to say "I'm sorry",
as much in the future as I said it in the past.
Maybe then, I'll find compassion.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
WITHOUT DREAMS
Without dreams I am nothing.
All I have is my hopes and dreams.
I want to be "Rocky",
I will make a comeback.
I want to be "Rudy",
I will play for Notre Dame,
No matter that I am small in size,
and lack of raw talent.
I want to rescue a damsel in distress.
I want to be Superman!
I want to be Louis Pasteur.
I want to float like a butterfly!
I want to sting like a bee!
Just like Ali!
I want to be the first 62 year old lineman in history,
to play for the Chicago Bears.
Yes, I dream my Walter Mitty dreams.
This year I will bench press 300 lbs.
I will find a cure for cancer.
I will save the world from itself.
I believe in tradition.
I believe in integrity.
I believe in persistence.
I believe in honor.
Most importantly, I believe in myself.
I will play like a champion today.
I will believe in my dreams.
All I have is my hopes and dreams.
I want to be "Rocky",
I will make a comeback.
I want to be "Rudy",
I will play for Notre Dame,
No matter that I am small in size,
and lack of raw talent.
I want to rescue a damsel in distress.
I want to be Superman!
I want to be Louis Pasteur.
I want to float like a butterfly!
I want to sting like a bee!
Just like Ali!
I want to be the first 62 year old lineman in history,
to play for the Chicago Bears.
Yes, I dream my Walter Mitty dreams.
This year I will bench press 300 lbs.
I will find a cure for cancer.
I will save the world from itself.
I believe in tradition.
I believe in integrity.
I believe in persistence.
I believe in honor.
Most importantly, I believe in myself.
I will play like a champion today.
I will believe in my dreams.
Friday, December 3, 2010
NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS
There's nothing to say today.
I have no original thoughts.
In fact, I've never had an original thought.
I just recapitulate the same old ideas, that I have heard.
Or the things I have read.
Blah, blah, blah, over and over again.
I'm sick of all this nonsense.
There's nothing left to say.
How does a writer, write about nothing?
I have to write about something.
Hmmm.
Nothing is the absence of something.
Something is missing.
Where did "something" go?
It must be hiding in my mind somewhere.
Now I have three words to contemplate.
Nothing, something, and somewhere.
Maybe if I got up off my ass and did something,
or went somewhere,
I wouldn't have to worry about having nothing to write about!
In fact, if I actively engaged in more "somethings",
I wouldn't have to write at all!
This sounds like a good idea to me.
I guess I did have something to say today.
I still didn't come up with an original thought.
What a bummer.
I have no original thoughts.
In fact, I've never had an original thought.
I just recapitulate the same old ideas, that I have heard.
Or the things I have read.
Blah, blah, blah, over and over again.
I'm sick of all this nonsense.
There's nothing left to say.
How does a writer, write about nothing?
I have to write about something.
Hmmm.
Nothing is the absence of something.
Something is missing.
Where did "something" go?
It must be hiding in my mind somewhere.
Now I have three words to contemplate.
Nothing, something, and somewhere.
Maybe if I got up off my ass and did something,
or went somewhere,
I wouldn't have to worry about having nothing to write about!
In fact, if I actively engaged in more "somethings",
I wouldn't have to write at all!
This sounds like a good idea to me.
I guess I did have something to say today.
I still didn't come up with an original thought.
What a bummer.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
THE NEW HDTV
I'm finally breaking down. I just bought a brand new TV. I got sick of seeing the "big heads" on my full-screen, non-HDTV model. I longed for panoramic views. I bought a Sony Bravia, with all the "bells and whistles". I couldn't pass it up...the prices were way-low.
Yet, somehow I feel dirty and low-down. I sold out. I'm a freaking hypocrite! I swore I'd never get on the "nuevo-techie" bandwagon. But I have to admit, I'm kinda' excited! I'm getting a brand new DVR, TV stand, surround sound system, sleek new profiles on the TV, WiFi, Gamboys, Gamegirls, internet capability, higher speeds, and a whole array of things I don't need, don't know how to use, and don't understand.
I'm going to have the Geek Squad and Comcast set up all this technological garbage for me. I will pay "huge bucks" for special cables and cable boxes, to upgrade my viewing experience. I picture myself being able to watch three football games simultaneously while my wife watches Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music"...all on the same screen! I will probably go into an epileptic seizure from the vast array of color and flashing lights...all provided for me by this new technology!
I will be happy until I discover what I bought is already obsolete. Next year 3-D sets will be less expensive, and I will want them instead of what I have now. Now, my cable bill is going to be more than my mortgage payment. I will have to have two part time jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm not going to have much time to watch TV anymore. But I will have achieved another facet of the American Dream! God Bless America!
Yet, somehow I feel dirty and low-down. I sold out. I'm a freaking hypocrite! I swore I'd never get on the "nuevo-techie" bandwagon. But I have to admit, I'm kinda' excited! I'm getting a brand new DVR, TV stand, surround sound system, sleek new profiles on the TV, WiFi, Gamboys, Gamegirls, internet capability, higher speeds, and a whole array of things I don't need, don't know how to use, and don't understand.
I'm going to have the Geek Squad and Comcast set up all this technological garbage for me. I will pay "huge bucks" for special cables and cable boxes, to upgrade my viewing experience. I picture myself being able to watch three football games simultaneously while my wife watches Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music"...all on the same screen! I will probably go into an epileptic seizure from the vast array of color and flashing lights...all provided for me by this new technology!
I will be happy until I discover what I bought is already obsolete. Next year 3-D sets will be less expensive, and I will want them instead of what I have now. Now, my cable bill is going to be more than my mortgage payment. I will have to have two part time jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm not going to have much time to watch TV anymore. But I will have achieved another facet of the American Dream! God Bless America!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
WINTER "BLAHS"
It's the first day of winter. It feels like it. Snow flying sideways, and the temperature in the mid-twenties. My bones ache. I pumped iron for the first time, in a long time today. I need to rest my legs. I've been doing too much elliptical and treadmill training. I have the "blahs". An athlete knows when his program is getting stale. What a joke! I am a sixty-one year old athlete. I did curls and tricep extensions with "sissy" weights today. I used to do 1,000 reps. on my abdominal muscles. Today, I forced myself to do 100. Yeah, this is my "fat ass" time of the year. I've been jamming too many Cheetos into my "pie hole". I've been eating all kinds of crap that isn't good for me. My glucose levels are borderline normal. I don't want to be a diabetic! Oh me! Oh my! Screw it. I'll start eating clean and eliminate all sugar on January 1st, 2011. Hopefully, I won't die before Christmas. I did alright on my pulldowns and most of my other exercises today. My arms and legs look pretty huge and I look good in my gym clothes. Yeah,I look like an elderly Rocky Balboa. But I am far from where I was four years ago. My belly is flabby by my standards. I miss my six pack of rock-solid abs. My poor abdominal muscles are gone. They are just a faded memory. Shit. I have a lot of work to do. Diet and hard work is the tandem I need. Two-to-three hours a day, seven days a week. January 1st, 2011, will be soon enough for this torture. Just like Cool Hand Luke, I have to get my mind right. I promise myself that I'm going to do "this thing" again. They sure aren't bullshitting when they say, "No pain, no gain". My mind will take me to where I want to go. My body will follow, kicking and screaming. Age makes all of this a more Herculean task. Age also makes me smarter. I'll find a way.
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