WINTER BLAHS

The dreariness of these Midwestern, March days really gets into a man's head...Especially if he is retired. While my wife is at work, I mope and type stories, or network with a whole plethora of people. I watch movies, do laundry, read books, and generally do the same old things every day.

They say that winter depression is related to lack of sunlight. LOSAD? "lack of sunlight affective disorder"?...They have a name for everything these days.

Being depressed has to be worse in San Diego. It's mostly sunny and warm there all the time. Imagine being a depressed old man, where everyone is young, drinking mojitos, wearing thongs, carrying surfboards, and smiling big smiles showing perfect, pearly-white teeth! grrrrrr. They strut their youthful promenade, down quaint boardwalks. These youngsters have perfectly muscled bodies, tans, and BMW convertibles. I certainly would hate the idea of having to look at them every day. I guess this is why I stay in Chicago.

Everyone here is bundled up and pissed off! We all look like shit in the winter, whether we are young or old. Everyone is waiting for April. Yeah, we think of sunny days here in the Midwest. Then come monsoon rains, or sleet and snow. So much for daffodils. Snow is very depressing in April, but I expect it! It's no big deal to a hardened Illinoian. Spring usually lasts a couple of weeks, then we are plunged into oppresive heat, and dank humidities.

My air conditioner runs all the time. I see my pension checks going down the drain to either cool or heat this old house. Oh well! At least there's TV. I have 900 channels of "tom-foolery" to look at. If that isn't depressing, I don't know what is!

Maybe I should start drinking again. I can eat more junk food that I see on TV, to comfort myself. I can take up smoking again and buy some good "street drugs". I have "fat man" clothes in my closet, so what the hell? This kinda' life ain't so bad! I can quit going to the gym. My aches and pains from brutal workouts will go away! I can efficiently mask my pain with alcohol and drugs.

I'll be happy for a year; then I can go back to my stoic ways. But what if I die in the interim? You see? Nothing makes me happy anymore! I'm just a greedy, old, depressed and selfish man!

Winter sucks around here, that's a basic fact...but at least I can watch American Idol! There! Now I'm happy again.