A split of a white methadone tab...
If I take it, I am facing excorciation...
By immoral judges, adorned in black robes...
Symbols of justice and the American way.
But I am in my basement.
I have them fooled.
I am alone...so I take the half.
No one is here to see me, except myself.
The warmth of the drug hits my core.
My heart is heavy...but I'm buzzed.
I am not an addict...
But want to assimilate the experience...
So I can know just once,
How this drug feels...
To the methadone freak.
Without feeling, without experience, we are empty pages.
I sometimes search for universal truths...
in foolish and unorthodox ways...
Sometimes I just don't get it...
Maybe I am bullshiting myself.
I thought that I'd understand the big picture by now.
I'm still desperately clueless in my search.
Age is supposed to bring wisdom.
It just brings more questions.
I have more questions now than in my youth...
And I'm running out of time.
Yes, the inane cock-sure youth I had...
Is not as good as what I have now.
Being human, I want more.
I want the damned truth!
Money is bullshit.
Religion is bullshit.
Power is bullshit.
Status is bullshit.
Beauty is bullshit.
I need more time to answer all the questions.
I answer one question, and two more pop up.
It's all so paradoxical...
It's God's cruel joke on humanity...
It He exists.
I should not think.
Thinking is a dangerous pastime.
Thinking leads to more questions.
More questions lead nowhere, which leads to insanity.
Metaphysical questions...
Incantations...
Proclamations...
Assertions...
Recriminations...
Lead me to dead ends.
And more questions.
The only truism I figured out so far...
Is that we all die confused.
This is surreal.
Back to square one.
from: "Chicago Stories and Other Thoughts from a Working Class Guy"...available on Amazon.com
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WOW!! That is powerful! It smacks you right in the face POWERFUL!! The more I learn the less I seem to know. I am grateful that I still can continue to learn something new, experience something different, still feel that thrill of the first time, pushing myself to farther limits!! I get a thrill out of reading your books & blogs!! You have a way of capturing my attention with reality, truth & no beating around the bush!! I love your writing style. Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom.
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