THE TELEPHONE

They call me at all hours.
Moronic teenagers who mis-dial.
"Associations" for the Fraternal Orders of Police Departments.
Politicians,
Solitcitors,
Banks,
Insurance Companies,
Doctors Receptionists,
and People from you past who you dont give a gawl danged hoot about!
The list goes on...and on....and on....ad infinitum.
They drive me freakin' crazy.
They always call when I am starting to sit on the porcelain throne,
or when I am jamming Cheetos in my pie-hole, with the clicker in my pudgy little hand, tuning in my favorite tv show.
Thank God I can see the call waiting # and name of the miscreants!
This is my power!
This is technology that is useful!
My acting/modeling agent insists on leaving me important messages about various auditions on my cell phone.
He is always getting pissed off at me.
I never make the auditions, because I rarely remember to turn on my cell phone and check my inbox.
I don't know how many times I have to tell him to call me on my land line.
I am at home facebooking, painting, or staring mindlessly out the window at bunnies or squirrels.
He's gonna' fire me, and then I'll have to find a bondfide talent agency for serious actors/and or models. I might have to buy me an official Screen Actors Guild union card.
I guess the telephone aint too bad after all!