I read somewhere, that "you can't get closer to God, with a bellyfull of whiskey." But dammit, there were a few times in my life when I was high on whiskey and grass when everything in the world seemed just fine to me! I had love for everyone and felt the "divine purpose" and just knew I was on the right path to "enlightenment", when I was drunker than a Lord!
I knew that the Great Spirit intended for me to be an adventurer. I was chosen to open my doors of perception! Thank you Aldous Huxley! Sex, drugs and rock and-roll always showed me the way.
But alas, 'round about the age of 49, I had been folded, spindled, and mutilated by construction companies and bar-rooms. I had a wife and kid who didn't see things my rebel way, and my body was starting to alarm me. The fact is that it was tired of being punished by booze and whatever else I ingested to make myself feel this "enlightenment".
Ergo, I tried the sober life. I could only stomach it for 5 or 6 months, at a time. I always had an itch I had to scratch, especially when I was feeling wonderful. Sobriety makes and alcoholic or drug addict feel great, but it's boring as hell. I thought I'd learn how to drink and drug responsibly. I could walk "the middle path", because of the knowledge I had gained. I had learned enough, so I could drink normally again. This worked for a while, then I'd be back to my old ways, sicker than ever. I vacillated between sobriety and drunkenness for four years. Finally, I had enough of the whole process.
I was fat, sick and old. I sat in jail, drunk on my ass one night with a DUI and my sweet wife had left me 2 weeks prior to that...I guess I showed her! My hedonistic ways, waylaid my Buddhistic days of youth. Maybe finding "enlightenment" has to come from pain. I guess for me it did. However, for all you kiddies out there, I recommend the "middle path" and not going through what I did.
Anyhow, I gave up the booze, the drugs...and finally when I couldn't breathe anymore, I gave up the smokes. I have everything now. I'm sober for 7 years. My wife came back, my daughter is doing well. I'm retired and comfortable. I have recovery groups, and a great gym where I work out every day. I have money for vacations and I buy whatever I want.
But you know what?...I'm bored. I sitll think about how good that belly full of whiskey felt. I think about lighting up a wonderful joint, or taking a drag off a marvelous cigarette. Then, miraculously I somehow come to my senses. I grab a pen, and write crap like this, on a piece of paper. You probably wish I'd start drinking again, eh?