DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS!

The Village made it "law", not to feed the wild animals anymore..."Momma", and I like to give pieces of bologna or cheese, to feral cats, that live underneath our deck in back of our townhome. I also like giving donuts to racoons. I haven't seen any coyotes carrying young children around in their mouths yet, so I guess we might still be safe. I see a coyote or a red fox, once in a while. I've seen two deer in front of my house, in the 30 years we have been living here in Wheaton, Illinois. Seeing them in civilization always made me feel sad, 'cause usually they don't make it back to the old spring-fed lake near my house. The Indians used to camp out there, years ago. Civilization beats wild animals to death with high powered cars or carbines. I realize that culling is a neccessary evil, which in fact, helps animal populations, but still I am sad when I see a dead carcass, lying on the side of the road.

I'm not going to stop feeding the chipmunks, squirrels, and birds. That's where I draw the line. One time, my Town Home Assosciation sent me a letter indicating that my bird house wasn't within the rules of the community. They told me that I must take it down, or I would face a financial penalty. This pretty bird house hangs outside my den, above my deck on the outside patio. I made it in my woodshop and put a tin roof on it, so that my birdies could stay dry and raise their families in relative security. I watched them build their nests, and feed worms to their young for 6 years, before the Town Home Association sent me their "evil edict", in the mail. I decided to go to the very next meeting. I hadn't been to one in over 20 years.

I came in all dirty after running a bulldozer all day...I was wearing a grubby Caterpillar ball cap, and a tank top with some sinister rock band logo...My outfit was complete, with a pair of Levi, boot-cut jeans, and a well-worn pair of cowboy boots. I looked like I just walked off some movie set, where they were shooting footage about rednecks riding bulls in taverns, after punching cows all day long. I was pissed off, hot, and thirsty for a beer. I threw the letter on the desk. The Board members were dressed in nice suits and ties, and the women had pretty dresses, make-up and heels. They smelled a whole lot better than me! I said, "Read this letter you sent me, then you can all go fuck yourselves!"

I felt real good, as I slammed the door on the way out. I came home, twisted the cap off a beer, and looked at the birds feeding from my bird house. It still hangs out there today, many years after this altercation. Now that I've retired, I love watching all my small animal friends. I will never stop feeding them. I like them more than most humans I encounter...I think that maybe, pretty soon, I'm gonna' have to visit City Hall!