I never did well in crowded places.
I hate people jabbering.
Cars rushing by.
My heart always started racing.
I'd break out in a sweat.
Dizziness would overcome me.
Hyperventilation.
I thought I was losing my mind.
Maybe I was going to die.
I'd feel like a non-entity.
No ego.
Just nothing.
I didn't exist.
Yet, I was an observer.
These feelings were horrifying.
I had them in my youth.
They'd occur in odd places.
Playgrounds
Convertibles with their tops down.
Bridges.
Social gatherings.
Churches.
I decided to stay in my room.
I guess I was agoraphobic.
I was too young to know the word.
My books became my friends.
I knew I was different than most others.
I thought I was damned.
Now, I know I was blessed.
I accepted my strangeness.
I pushed the envelope.
I decided to face my fears.
Fear is always there anyway.
It's easier to handle now.
I still like the dark.
I like my room.
I like to isolate.
But the crowds don't bother me anymore.
I don't feel like I'm losing my mind.
I realized that I never owned it.
I'm a minute part of the universal mind.
By negating my ego,
I found the essence of me.
It's not a bad place to be.
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I'd like one ego-free bagel please! Then give me an ego-free coffee and an ego-free latte. There.... that awe ta hold me! Oops...hey, give me another one ta go will ya? I feel the ego creeping back in! He has developed an immunity and is reproducing like mad! Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! Oh no.....Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Wew! That was close....thank god for indoor plumbing!
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