Wednesday, March 10, 2010


"He was an intelligent man", I heard once Psychiatrist say to the other.
I knew they were talking about me.
Once, I had a photographic memory.
I had great theme writing ability.
I was given grants by the academic machine.
I was a man of culture.
I was well grounded in Design theory, Aesthetics, Metaphysics and Philosophy.

I began to fragment...disassociate...isolate...
I thought, "The Books are the power".
I had the power.
My Professors started noticing my strange behavior.
They noticed my rambling sentences and hebrephrenic dialogue.
I was classified as a borderline schizophrenic with neurosis.
I felt I was superior to everyone.

Then came the frightening auditory and visual hallucinations.
It was all caused by someone dropping LSD in my beer.
I went over the edge really quickly after this nasty act,
perpetrated by an individual or parties unknown to me.
It was the final blow which caused mental fracture.
Now I knew first hand what the Sociology books meant by "fragmentation of identity".

I entered my private bedroom.
I was home now, yet I felt unsafe.
I was a stranger in this new land.
I kept the room dark and cold...
Air conditioned in the middle of the summer.
I lay there for 2 weeks high on Thorazine.
My friends snuck me quarts of Schlitz beer.
I took ink blot tests, and the Minnesota Multi-Phasic...
all standard fare, which I was familiar with administering myself.
What irony!

I had a Freudian analyst who proved to be my saviour.
I also discovered the father of Psycho-cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz.
His theories involved a self-taught form of desensitization therapy.
I taught my brain to rethink my situation...I developed new pathways for my synapses to fire.
Good, old, Maxwell Maltz...He must be dead for years.
As I got well, I became committed to Non-Thinking.
I lost the "genius" identity.
I became a human being.

I heard this song by Harry Nilson, (sp?), "Good Morning Starshine".
It made me smile. I emerged. I was finally stupid like everyone else!
I was happy! I found my humanity! Eventually, I lost my identity again.
I then came to the realization that people metamorphose many times in a lifetime. If this is wisdom, I guess I acquired it.
For this realization, I am eternally grateful.

I look forward to growing old, and having many more psychological and physical adventures. I pray I have the luck, and aplomb to make the most of everything which comes my way in life...both good and bad.
Life is beautiful!
I promise myself today, that i will never take life seriously, ever again!
Who am I kidding?
I'm making progress, but I'll never be perfect.

This is reality.
This is the beauty of our journey!
The metamorphosis...the change...the acceptance.

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