MIDDLE AGE

My wife, Debbie say we are "middle aged". I look at her querolously when she speaks this way. My retort to her is: "We're sixty-one years old, for Chrissake's...Whaddya think, that we're gonna live to be one-hundred and twenty-two?". She frowns at me and gives me "the look". I know enough after thirty years of marriage, to back off. I've gone through five-or-six mid-life crisis events since I hit forty. At forty, I decided to run another marathon...(talk about insanity)! That was my first mid-life crisis. There's other ways to go insane, when you feel you are losing your youth. Women are really artful at it. They employ tummy tucks, breast enhancement surgeries, collagen, face lifts, and all kinds of techniques to sculpt what is sagging, lacking, or dragging...Men have jumped on the plastic surgery bandwagon too! Old women often hunt for young men in cocktail lounges. These gals are fondly named, "Cougars". Old men who hunt for young women, are usually referred to as, "degenerate, old perverts"...Somehow, I think the guys get the short end of the stick!...(No pun intended). Men have these "toups", from the Hairline Creations company. I would never opt for something resembling a dead rat, adorning my bald crown. We old guys go to gyms, buy muscle cars, and Harley Davidson motorcycles in order to stay young and "hip". Middle age is a "bitch", no matter what age you are. I think the answer to the middle aged blues is money. If you're anywhere between forty-and-seventy, age doesn't matter if you have plenty of "dough". There's always plenty of young people around willing to spend your money and give you "miles-of-smiles", (among other things), when you have "mucho dinero". Life ain't fair, you know? I'm not caring about my youthful looks and vigor anymore. I'm very happy to wake up "not-dead" every morning. Cookies are as good or better than sex, at this stage of my life. I quit bothering to suck in my gut, and push out my chest, when a "hot babe" walks by me at the gym. I still "check her out"! Hey! I ain't dead yet!